This argument doesn’t stand up to even the most superficial investigation. They’re worried that if they stop beating themselves up, they’ll lose all motivation, they’ll just sit around watching Real Housewives of Anywhere and eating Lucky Charms in a bowl full of Bud Light. This is the most common reason we hear when people resist self-compassion. And so we think the whipping is why we achieved things and we’ll never achieve anything without the whipping. And that tall straight tree wouldn't stand a chance if it was transplanted to the cliffside.”īurnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

The gnarled, wind-blown tree from an oceanside cliff might not conform with our ideas of what a tree should look like, but it works well in the context where it grew. A tree that's fought wind and gravity and erosion to grow strong and green on a steep cliff is going to look strange and out of place when moved to the level playing field. It's because that is what it took to survive in the place where she grew. So if we transplant a survivor of the steep hill and cliff to the level field, natives of the field may look at that survivor and wonder why she has so much trouble trusting people, systems, and even her own bodily sensations. If you find yourself on an ocean-battered cliff, your only choice is to grow there, or fall into the ocean. None of us chooses the landscape in which we're planted. Women of color grow not just on a hill, but on a cliffside over the ocean, battered by wind and waves. White women grow on far steeper and rougher terrain because the field wasn't made for them.

Burnout book nagoski